Sirius Adventures
by Sarcastic Romantic
Summary: Sirius gets into trouble, Remus gets angry and things explode. Just another day for these two boys. Going to be a series of ficlets. Slash, rated for languge.
1. What Does This Button Do?

**What Does This Button Do?**

**Disclaimer: None of the Harry Potter character's are mine. Damn…**

"Moony, I don't wanna go to the stupid factory." Sirius whined, yanking backwards on his boyfriend's hand.

"Sirius. Shut the fuck up." Remus growled, pulling him forward. Sirius scowled.

"But Moony…" He groaned, pouting. Remus stopped causing Sirius to run into him. The blond man whipped around.

"Sirius." Remus glared threateningly at the taller man who gulped.

"Okay Moony." Sirius conceded. Remus smiled.

"Good boy." He nodded, cheerfully, pecking him on the lips. Sirius grinned as Remus began to pull him along the road again.

ZxZxZxZxZxZx

"Welcome to English Automobile Factory. Today I will lead you through an in-depth tour of the inner workings of automobile manufactory. Before we begin, I would like to offer you a warning," The tour guide pointed to a bright red button next to her, "This button controls the self-destruct feature of the building. Some of the robotic workings are unstable and this button is to keep all workers safe. It should not be touched. Ever. It will cause a meltdown in the system and the entire building to explode." Around the button were several signs proclaiming 'Do Not Touch' in bold letters. People nodded and murmured there assent. Sirius wasn't listening.

"Moony, how much longer?" He muttered. Remus turned and glared at him. Sirius pouted.

"Just be good, Padfoot. That's all I ask." Remus sighed, giving up. They set off, following the tour guide through a maze of machinery.

Half an hour later, Sirius came back through the same way. He was on a quest to find a snack bar. Suddenly he found himself in front of a button. It was bright red.

"Ooh. I wonder what this button does." Sirius asked aloud ignoring the signs and pressing it. There was a crackle and a voice came over the loudspeaker.

"**The self destruct button has been activated. Factory will self destruct in 10… 9…**" The voice continued. Sirius bit his lip. Remus came running up to him.

"Sirius, what did you do?" He snapped.

"I just wanted to see what the button would do." Sirius answered guiltily. People were rushing past them.

"Let's go. I swear to God, every gray hair I ever get will be because of you." Remus yanked Sirius towards the exit.

"… **4… 3… 2… 1…**" The voice was muffled as they left the factory. Suddenly the entire factory went up in flames. Sirius and Remus were hurrying off away from the crowds. Remus was berating Sirius who had stopped listening several minutes before.

"… how could you do something like that? The woman spent five minutes repeating the same warning. You weren't supposed to press the button. Sirius… are you even listening?" Remus snapped.

"Huh?" Sirius answered, eloquently. Remus stopped, sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"You better hope no one was killed." He said, finally. Sirius grinned, happy he wasn't in terrible trouble.

"I just got bored, Moony. You take me to some funny places." He shrugged.

"It was incredibly interesting though. If you'd just listen once in a while…" Remus shrugged, taking the taller man's hand and starting off.

"Only to you. Ask James, he'll agree with me." Sirius laughed.

"Of course he will. Lily will agree with me though. She wanted to come but couldn't because she's too…" Remus returned.

"Fat." Sirius interrupted.

"Pregnant, Sirius. She isn't fat." Remus scolded.

"She looks pretty damn fat to me." Sirius grinned at the blond man. Remus rolled his eyes.

"You are hopeless." He tried to look exasperated but a smile crept onto his face, unbidden.

"And that's why you love me." Sirius retorted, still grinning.

"No, that's not it," Remus turned to face the other man. He kissed him, their tongues playing together in a familiar way before they pulled apart, "That is."

"That and my sexy body," Sirius smirked, "Oh wait…"

"What now?" Remus raised an eyebrow at him.

"I never found the snack bar." Sirius answered, grinning again. Remus rolled his eyes and groaned before pulling him back down to kiss him.

**There will be more. They're just little ficlets that my friend and I thought up one day in a fit of madness. Basically, Sirius causes trouble, Remus gets mad, they make up and either have hot, passionate smex or a sweet little kiss. Review please.**

**Cheers**


	2. The Bronze Lighter

**The Bronze Lighter**

**Disclaimer: None of the Harry Potter characters belong to me. However, these strange little plotless ficlets do.**

"Hey, Remus. I heard about this great new exhibit at the local museum."

Remus' perked up immediately, turning to Lily with an eager look on his face. Sirius groaned and buried his head in James' shoulder.

"Tell your wife to stop." He muttered.

"That would work if she listened to me." James answered, patting his friend on the back. Lily moved to sit on the couch, landing awkwardly. She was six months pregnant and 'very large around the middle' as Remus would say politely.

"It has a bunch of different books. Terribly old ones too. Dating back to the birth of Christ and further. Oh, you must go!" Lily handed him the flier. Sirius glared fiercely at her.

"But Moooony…" He groaned.

"Hush, Sirius." Remus ordered.

"See, there are original manuscripts from Emily Dickinson and Shakespeare. I wish I could go." Lily sighed, ruefully and looked down at her stomach. The doctor had ordered bedrest much sooner then they had expected but since Lily was never one for being idol, she continued to move about the house, driving James absolutely crazy.

"We can go tomorrow. Sirius will come with me." Remus turned to smile at his boyfriend.

"No," Sirius answered simply. Remus pouted, "Ah, Moony… do we have to?" He moaned.

"Thank you, Sirius." Remus smiled again, knowing he'd won. James sniggered behind his hand but stopped when Lily shot a glare at him.

ZxZxZxZxZxZx

"Right through those doors, sir."

"Thank you." Remus smiled at the woman sitting at the Information Desk, before grabbing Sirius' hand and leading him off. Sirius saw the woman cast a surprised look at their clasped hands.

"Remus… I hate museums." Sirius returned to his moaning as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Lily showed me the brochure," Remus spoke as though Sirius hadn't, "There are supposed to be some amazing books in here."

"Hmph…" Sirius glared at the back of the other man's head. Remus led him to the first glass case, let go of his hand and began to read the label aloud.

"This document was written in 1575 by…" Remus read. Sirius, now bored, wandered off, pausing here and there to scoff at some of the displays.

"Yeah right. He didn't even use quills… She died long before that… That's bullshit…" Sirius continued this way for several minutes before finding a room with papers laid out on the table. Bored again, he pulled out his bronze lighter (a gift from Remus to replace the silver one his mother had given him) and flipped it open.

Ignoring the fact he was in a room full of priceless _paper_ documents, he pulled his finger along the small half circle, causing the flame to burst into life. He let go, allowed it to die and flicked it to life again. Finding this quite entertaining, he continued in this fashion, moving close to the priceless documents. Someone came streaking by, accidentally slamming into him. The lighter dropped from his hands, still lit, and fell onto one of the documents. Sirius gasped, snatched up his lighter and bolted.

"Sirius…?" Remus began as the other man streaked past. Sirius grabbed a hold of his hand and yanked him along, away from the increasing fire.

"Hurry up!" He yelled over the shocked screams and the fire alarm, which had just screeched into action.

"What the fuck did you do?" Remus demanded as he was pulled through the museums front doors.

"Uh… nothing…" Sirius lied unconvincingly, still moving at a dead run. When they were several feet away from the building, Remus noticed the fire trucks pull up and they stopped.

"What did you do?" Remus repeated in a dangerous voice.

"Uh… it was only a little fire and it wasn't entirely my fault but… I dropped my lighter on one of those fancy documents." Before Remus could answer, Sirius apparated away. Remus followed, hoping he had gone home.

Remus got lucky. The black haired man had gone home and was waiting for him in their apartment.

"Only a little fire?" Remus snapped, immediately.

"Okay… so it was a big fire but someone bumped into me so it wasn't all my fault." Sirius shrugged.

"You got out a lighter in a room full of priceless documents? Priceless paper documents?" Remus continued, undaunted.

"I was bored." Sirius answered.

"What am I to do with you?" Remus sighed, falling onto the couch. Sirius sat down next to him, grinning slyly.

"I can think of one thing…" He pressed his lips to one of the scars on Remus' neck, feeling the other man shudder.

"Sirius… I'm in the process of scolding you…" Remus tried to keep his mind clear as Sirius' hands crept under his shirt.

"That's no fun at all…" Sirius murmured, pushing Remus flat on the couch and crawling on top of him.

"But… you set fire to a museum…" Remus tried as Sirius nibbled on his ear. Sirius pulled Remus' shirt off.

"They'll fix it eventually." He said in a husky voice, trailing his hands over the white scars on Remus' chest and over his nipples.

"But… you… destroyed priceless docu…" Remus' words disappeared into a low groan as Sirius lowered his head onto one of his nipples.

ZxZxZxZxZxZx

Several hours later, they had moved to their room. Both men were sprawled on the bed, wrapped in each others arms. Sirius smiled into Remus' hair.

"Bet you forgive me now, huh?" He muttered, slyly.

"Yes… I forgive you," Remus murmured back, pressing his lips onto Sirius' neck. He paused, thinking, "But what will Lily say?"

Sirius bolted upright in bed.\

**These may eventually end up with a plot… Pause, Marvel, Shudder at the concept. Review please.**

**Cheers**


	3. Runs With Wolves

"I found a place you can go where Sirius can't cause much trouble

**Runs With Wolves**

**Disclaimer: No I do not own Harry Potter. Thanks for bring that up again.**

Two weeks after the Museum Incident, Lily finally allowed Sirius back in the house. He wasn't allowed to come near her, however, until James convinced her that Sirius was sorry. It was the first time Sirius had been allowed in the same room as her.

"I found a place you can go where Sirius can't cause much trouble." Lily commented one day. Remus looked up, interested. Sirius made a face at her, which she ignored. Now eight months pregnant, it was nearly impossible for her to move around without great trouble. She spent the wasted time finding places to send Sirius and Remus.

"Oh?" Remus prompted when Lily did not continue.

"The zoo," Lily smiled. Sirius stared at her in disbelief, "What?"

"The what? That sounds painful." Sirius blinked at her. Remus laughed and moved to wrap his arms around the confused man.

"The zoo is a place where you look at endangered animals. It's fun. I went when I was young." He explained.

"Oh… Do you have to learn?" Sirius raised an eyebrow at James who shrugged, never having heard of a 'zoo' either.

"Not if you don't want to," Lily rolled her eyes, "The London Zoo just acquired some European gray wolves. I'm sure you too will like that exhibit."

"I love wolves." Sirius grinned. Remus nipped at his ear and then returned to where Lily was sitting to look at the brochure.

"Wow… that's kind of expensive." He commented.

"I'll pay if you want to go, Moony." Sirius stood and snatched the brochure out of Lily's hands. He flipped through it and shrugged.

"We'll go tomorrow." Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius.

"Take pictures and bring back a good story to tell me. I'm going stir crazy." Lily pleaded. Remus laughed and nodded. They left, Sirius muttering about getting up early.

ZxZxZxZxZxZx

"Hurry up, Padfoot." Remus demanded. Sirius scowled and continued to drag his feet. Remus grabbed his arm and began dragging him forward.

"_Moony_. I'm _tired_." Sirius groaned.

"We could just go to a museum instead." Remus goaded. Sirius suddenly began to hurry towards the entrance to the park.

"Hurry up, Moony." He grinned back at his boyfriend. Remus rolled his eyes as they arrived at the ticket booth.

"Welcome to the London Zoo. How may I help you?" The woman at the counter smiled at the two excited young men.

"Two adult tickets please." The first man smiled back. The other man pulled out his wallet, looked inside and then grimaced.

"Moony, I only have galleons." He muttered.

"Didn't I tell you to exchange that?" The other man snapped.

"Sorry…" The second man looked at him apologetically.

"Never mind. I'll pay. How much will it be?" The first man turned back to the woman at the counter. Money was exchanged and the woman handed them a pair of tickets.

"Enjoy your stay at the London Zoo." She told them, placing the money into the cash register. The second man watched with awe as the machine seemed to swallow the money.

"Thank you. Come on, Sirius." Remus began to drag Sirius towards the entrance.

"But… but… Moony, that woman's muggle… thing ate our money!" Sirius gasped. Remus shook his head and smiled.

"The wolves are this way. Come on, Sirius." He rolled his eyes. Sirius had stopped to watch the cotton candy machine.

"Look Moony." He stared at it in amazement.

"We'll get some later, Padfoot. Let's go look at the wolves." Remus laughed. Sirius followed, looking around in awe.

"Everything is so…" He murmured, unable to find a word to describe the bright hangings and the many machines. Remus just laughed again, stopping himself from kissing the man in the middle of the park. It wasn't really an accepted thing in Muggle London. Several minutes later, they arrived at the wolf enclosure. Sirius cocked his head to one side and examined the animals vaguely.

"It says here…" Remus began, trailing a finger down the sign next to the cage.

"Why are there bars here, Moon?" Sirius interrupted urgently.

"To keep the wolves in." Remus answered simply. Sirius's eyebrows contracted as if he was confused.

"Why though?" He questioned, sounding like a small child.

"Because… that's the way zoos work, Sirius." Remus shrugged, not understanding the other man's point.

"I don't get it. Isn't this a place for kids?" Sirius turned to Remus, a confused, slightly angry look on his face.

"Yes."

"Why would anyone want to teach their kids to lock animals up?"

"The wolves are locked up to keep everyone safe. If they were out wandering, someone might hurt them or the other way around." Remus tried to explain.

"But… that's like locking you up." Sirius's face dropped into a dismayed expression and Remus felt his heart melt.

"Oh, Paddy…" He murmured.

"Excuse me, sir?" Remus started and turned.

"Yes?" He stared at the woman nearby. She held a map up to him.

"Do you know how I get to the monkeys? My daughter really wants to see them." A small girl was yanking on the woman's arm screaming, "Mun-k! Mun-k!"

"Um, sure…" Remus pointed to the map and began explaining as Sirius snuck around the cage to a place where he found a small door. He looked each shoulder and then pulled out his wand. He tapped the lock lightly and murmured "Alohamora." The door popped open and the wolves inside looked up at him. He grinned and moved back to Remus' side. There was a growl from inside the cage and suddenly the wolves were out. The woman near Remus shrieked and her daughter burst into tears. The mother scooped her girl up and bolted. Remus turned to Sirius, eyes wide.

"What did you do?" He demanded.

"We should probably run now." Sirius replied, pleasantly, grabbing Remus' arm and proceeding to drag him towards the front gate. Remus protested violently, yelling loudly as they ran towards the exit.

"What did you do?" He screamed. A wolf leapt past them, chasing a hot dog vendor down the main walkway.

"Uh… nothing." Sirius lied as they left the park. The woman at the ticket booth looked up.

"Have a nice day!" She called. Sirius waved over his shoulder without pausing. When they reached a secluded area, he stopped and turned to the seething Remus.

"You let the _wolves_ out! Why couldn't you have let the flamingos out or the monkeys or something else that doesn't _eat_ people?" Remus shouted, waving his arms wildly.

"I like wolves." Sirius kissed Remus on the lips and then apparated away. Remus apparated to the house and trained a furious expression on the dark haired man, grinning in his living room.

"Sirius!"

"Moony, don't be mad. I only let them out because I couldn't stand the idea of a wolf, were- or otherwise, locked up in a cage," Sirius pulled the incensed man towards him, defusing his anger instantly, "It was meant to be metaphysical."

"Metaphorical." Remus corrected automatically.

"Right. Metaphorcycle. Anyway, you can thank me tonight." Sirius kissed Remus' neck. Remus pushed him away.

"You're not getting any tonight!" He snapped. Sirius raised his eyebrows and grabbed Remus's hips, pulling him in tightly against his own. Remus drew in a sharp breath as their hips collided. Almost instantly, he found himself shirtless with Sirius's tongue in his belly button. He groaned and threw his head back as the tongue continued up his stomach to his chest. Sirius smirked up at the man and took one nipple in his mouth, rolling it between his teeth.

"You can thank me now too if you'd like." He murmured huskily. Remus moaned and buried his hands in Sirius' hair.

"You are a bastard." He muttered, guiding Sirius's head to his other nipple.

"No. I just know how to get my way." Sirius obligingly dropped his head to Remus' chest again.

"Oh… Merlin." Remus breathed.

"Not quite." Sirius bit down on Remus' nipple.

"God, Padfoot," Remus' knees gave slightly but Sirius caught him, half-carrying him to the couch again, "You're not off the hook you know."

"Of course not." Sirius replied.

"And we have to tell Lily."

"Mhm." Sirius busied himself with Remus' belt.

"Sirius, are you listening?" Remus propped himself up on his elbows in time to see Sirius smirk slyly and stick his hands into the blond man's pants. Remus moaned loudly and dropped his head onto the arm of the couch.

ZxZxZxZxZxZx

The next day, Lily opened the newspaper to find a picture of two men fleeing from a pack of wolves in the London Zoo. She stared at the familiar faces for a moment and then dropped the paper.

"Sirius!" She screamed.

**Wow this one took forever. It's an idea that's been festering for quite some time and I think I went a little overboard with the make-up scene but I got caught up in the moment. So… welcome to the plot line.**

**Cheers**


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